


Of little monsters and men

by GivemeanID



Series: This is what happen when I'm being enabled [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Getting Tricked Into Marriage, Honeymoon, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: A.K.A The reason why Butsuma and Tajima should probably keep their children on a leash
Relationships: Senju Butsuma/Uchiha Tajima, Senju Hashirama & Uchiha Madara, Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Izuna, implied Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito
Series: This is what happen when I'm being enabled [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551997
Comments: 83
Kudos: 418





	1. The idea

**Author's Note:**

> The enabling for this one is on Shiver_Mint :)

The battle had been long and exhausting. Hashirama and Tobirama had wandered near the Naka river after it, wanting to rest and forget the horrors of the day. As soon as they set a foot on the river bank, they found themselves face to face with the Uchiha brothers, who were looking at them with wide eyes.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, till Madara spoke, his voice weary.

\- Truce ?

Surprisingly, it was Tobirama who answered.

\- Okay, he said, face blank.

That being said, he made a beeline for Izuna, produced a gigantic fluffy blanket from a storage seal and flopped on the younger Uchiha, curling on his lap like a big humanoid cat, completed with the purring, and covered them with the blanket. Only their heads were visible. Madara and Izuna were looking at the young Senju like he had a second head. Then, Izuna tentatively scratched the albino's head and the purring increased in volume. Hashirama came and sat next to Madara, before reclining against him.

They stayed like that for a long moment, before Tobirama spoke.

\- I'm tired of all of that, he said.

The other looked at him, where he was curled up in Izuna's lap. The blanket made him looked so much younger than his twelve years, but the air in his eyes was speaking of weariness and pain that a child should never experience.

\- I felt them dying, he added, I felt them dying and I couldn't do anything.

He sighed deeply, and Izuna hugged him tightly, knowing what the young Senju was feeling, for he felt the same.

\- I want it to end, he finally said.  
\- So do I, Madara said, but what could we do ?  
\- There has to be a way, Hashirama whispered.  
\- A marriage ? Izuna asked.

Everybody looked at him, beffudled.

\- What ? It's logical. Uchiha and Senju value love and family more than anything else. If we become kin, the fighting will stop. Nobody wants to fight kin...

Tobirama smiled.

\- I knew you were my rival for a reason, he grinned.

Izuna puffed up, proud like a peacock.

\- This is... a good idea, Madara said, but who's gonna be marrying who ?  
\- I am already married, Hashirama said.  
\- I guess you don't want to divorce her...  
\- Of course not ! Mito is a wonderful woman and I love her very much !  
\- Relax, tree head... So you're out... Izuna and Tobirama are too young...  
\- I'm twelve !  
\- I'm twelve and a half !  
\- You. are. too. young.

The two boys started brooding.

\- Why not you then ? Tobirama groaned snarkily.

The atmosphere lost several degrees. Izuna rolled his eyes.

\- We still haven't found the body of the last Elder who pronounced the word marriage in Madara's presence, he said with a blasé look.  
\- Ah... Okay, not you then...

They thought in silence for a few more minutes.

\- You know, Tobirama finally said, the only people with who this would work are our fathers...  
\- ...  
\- ...  
\- ...  
\- Stop looking at me like that ! Both of them are widowed, and Clan Heads ! If they get married, the fight will stop immediately !  
\- They hate each other's guts !  
\- I never said they had to know about it... Let's just... put them in front of the fact... With the right paperwork, it will work...

Madara started laughing. His laughter grew progressively more hysterical, till he was rolled on the ground, convulsing.

\- You know what ? This is a wonderful idea. This will be glorious ! Let's do it !

There was absolutely no way this would backfire spectacularly.

************

\- Father, Tobirama said, looking very innocent, can you sign that please ? This is for the mission report...  
\- Of course Tobi, Butsuma said.

He signed the paper without really looking, trusting his younger son. It was his first mistake. The second one was accepting the tea Hashirama gave him an hour later. A few minutes after, Butsuma was sleeping soundly on his desk.

************

\- He's heavy, Tobirama groaned as they were moving the unconscious Butsuma to the location they had chosen.  
\- He's not heavy you are small, Hashirama laughed.  
\- I will kick you Anija, the young boy sneered.

At this moment, Toka jumped out of a bush, her naginata slinged in her back. When she saw her two cousins carrying their senseless father, she froze. So did Tobirama and Hashirama, who were sweating profusely, trying to come up with an excuse that wouldn't be too suspicious.

\- I don't want to know, Toka groaned before Tobirama could open his mouth.

She exited the scene, grumbling about crazy cousins.

************

\- Dad, Izuna asked, can you sign that please ? It's for the archives.  
\- Here you go, boy, Tajima said.

He signed without looking. Izuna ran away with the marriage certificate now sporting the two Clan Heads' signatures. A few minutes later, Madara came in the office with a plate supporting a pile of cookie, claiming he wanted Tajima's opinions. The Uchiha leader fell asleep always through his second bite.

************

\- How did you know he would choose the cookie with the sleeping drug ?  
\- Cause there's drug in all of them...  
\- Rude ! I wanted some...  
\- Stop whining and help me carry him !

As Izuna was about to retort, Hikaku entered the office. He froze when he saw the compromising position his cousins were in, a senseless Tajima half slung on Madara's shoulder, mouth full of cookie crumbs. He closed his eyes, pinched his brows, and then stared at the two idiots.

\- You'd better pay me a tremendous amount of money if you want me to forget that, he said, looking dead inside.

Izuna looked at Madara, then at Hikaku.

\- I have twelve ryo and a half eaten lollipop. Is it enough ?

************

\- And now ?  
\- Now we wait. They should wake up soon.


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are getting what was coming to them ^^

Butsuma groaned, yawned and squirmed to get nearer to the living inferno sharing his bed. He didn't remember falling asleep, or falling asleep with someone (oh gods, if he had flirted successfully with anyone the Elders would never leave him alone ever again...) which meant he had to be really tired. At the same time, he didn't remember having been this good and well rested since his wife's death. He buried his face against his bedmate chest, snoring lightly.

Hum... flat chest... He started feeling up the person next to him, not wanting to open his eyes yet. Flat chest, strong and wiry muscles... Yep, definitely a man. Who the fuck might that been ? Because he really didn't remembered anything after drinking the tea Hashirama gave him.

He straightened up on an elbow and grudgingly opened his eyes.

And he almost swallowed his tongue.

Because lying next to him sleeping soundly, wearing nothing but a yukata way to gaping for it to be decent and plain black pants, there was Tajima Uchiha.

He had slept with Tajima Uchiha ! His lifelong rival and bane of his existence ! (and he didn't even remember it...)

Screaming, Butsuma fell off the bed, landed heavily on his ass and broke a table.

************

Tajima was woken up by a scream. Eyes shoting open, he straightened up on the bed (when did he get in one ? When did he fall asleep ?) ready to strike the threat. And his brain suddenly stopped to function properly. Because lying on the floor in front of him, there was Butsuma Senju in informal clothes (and damn, he never saw it because armor, but the man did have quite a body on him) looking at him like he had seen a ghost.

\- What are you doing here ? Tajima blurted.  
\- What are YOU doing here ?!!! Butsuma screeched.

And ouch, he thought only Uchiha were able to reach that volume.

\- This is my question Senju ! What are you doing in my room ?  
\- This is my room !  
\- No this is..! Wait...

The Uchiha took a look around, face scrunched in concentration. It was not his room. Actually, this was looking like an inn room for newlyweds, except this one had been sealed to hell and back, probably to prevent whoever was inside to get out.

\- This is not my room, he said dumbly.

Butsuma had come to the same conclusion.

\- What the f...

As he was about to curse up a storm, a tap on the wall interrupted them.

\- Father ?

The voice was coming from the other side of the wall. Butsuma immediately recognized the voice. He ran to the wall and plaster his ear against it, under Tajima blasé and curious gaze.

\- Tobirama ! I'm here boy ! Can you do something to get me out of here ?!  
\- No.  
\- What ?! Why ?!  
\- Father, please look on the table.

Dumbfounded, Butsuma did as he was told. There was indeed a piece of paper on the table. He took it and as he read it, Tajima witnessed the Senju's face going through an impressive array of colors before stopping on bright purple. He threw the piece of paper away and went to scream at the wall.

\- Tobirama Senju ! You are grounded till the end of your life young man !!

Intrigued, Tajima picked the paper and read it. When he saw the words "marriage certificate" and both his and Butsuma signature, he distinctly felt a vein in his temple burst.

The little shits !

Joining Butsuma near the wall, he started screaming in true Uchiha fashion.

\- MADARA !!! IZUNA !!! I KNOW YOU ARE HERE, YOU LITTLE FUCKERS !!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE OR SO HELP ME !!!

Silence spread for a few seconds before he got an answer.

\- Sorry, Dad, we can't get you out of here for now.  
\- Yeah, the Elders just received your marriage certificate. They think you eloped.

If he had been a weaker man, Tajima would have had an aneurysm there and then. Since he was not a weaker man, he started shierking incoherently to the wall and the group of little shits that were behind, under Butsuma's impressed stare. Damn, the Uchiha did have quite a set of lungs on him.

\- Yeah sorry, Father, Uchiha-sama, Tobirama said again, they are discussing terms of peace. So in the meantime, you are gonna stay here. Don't try to pass the seals, it won't work.  
\- Oh yeah ?!!!  
\- Yeah.

Tajima had to say that the boy had nerves of steel.

\- And what are we supposed to do ?!!!  
\- I don't know... do what married people do, I guess...

At these words, Tajima stopped screaming. He turned to Butsuma and gave him a quick onceover. The corners of his lips quirked up. Well that might just be an idea. These little fuckers wouldn't know what would hit them. He caught Butsuma by the collar of his yukata.

\- Tell me husband, are you up for a little old fashionned revenge ?

Butsuma grinned and nodded.

\- Good. Fuck me raw against this wall. As far as I know, children hate knowing their parents are having sex.

************

There was a loud noise, like something had been pushed against a wall, then wet and squishy sounds and then moans. Tobirama raised a brow, wondering what was going on. Izuna had become bright red, Madara had frozen, not breathing, and Hashirama was green around the edges.

\- What are they doing ? Tobirama asked, genuinely curious.

Madara started wheezing.

************

\- Do you think they've had enough ? Butsuma asked to a breathless Tajima.

The Uchiha was plastered against the wall, his strong legs clamped on Butsuma's waist, his lips swollen with kisses. He grinned.

\- Nah. Keep going. I want them traumatized for life, so they won't pull this kind of shit ever again.

************

The strange noises had been going on for hours now, and Tobirama was really intrigued. It was not sounds of pain, so he guessed they were not fighting, but he couldn't start to conceive what they were doing, and the others didn't want to answer his questions.

Hashirama was hugging his knees in a corner, rocking slightly, chanting a litany of "I hear nothing, I hear nothing". Madara was crying silently (over the loss of his innocence, but Tobirama didn't know that). Izuna was apparently trying to drown himself in the teapot, without much success until now.

Exasperated, Tobirama was about to ask what they were doing for the twenty fourth time when he felt the clone he had left with the Elders dispel. The memories flew through him.

\- Ah, good news, we're at peace ! I'm going to let them out.

The only answer he got was Hashirama's whimper. Shrugging, Tobirama banged on the wall.

\- Father ! Uchiha-sama ! The Elders have come to an agreement. I'm letting you out.

************

\- This one doesn't seem traumatized...  
\- Yeah... Tobi is quite the genius, but I am pretty sure he has no idea what sex is...

************

When the two Clan Heads got out of the room, covered in lovebites and dressed hastily, it was to find their eldest huddled together in a corner, looking like their souls had departed their bodies, Izuna with his head half sunk in a teapot, and Tobirama standing on his tiptoes to try to look taller, examining them critically.

\- What were you doing ? he asked curiously.  
\- Ask your brothers, Tajima said with a shark smile.

Madara started sobbing.

************

\- So..! Tajima said, we're at peace...  
\- Yes, Tobirama answered.

Butsuma whispered something in the Uchiha's ear, who suddenly grinned even wider.

\- Perfect ! Children, we're going on a honeymoon ! Have fun running the clans in our absence !

And just like that, they left, Butsuma's arm slung on Tajima's shoulders and Tajima groping the Senju's ass shamelessly. Izuna fainted.

\- Well, Tobirama said after they left, this could have been worse...

************

Two months later.

The honeymoon had been fun, Tajima had to admit that. They had roamed the Land of Fire, had spent a wonderful week in Hot Springs Country, had killed fuckers and had had a lot of steaming sex (Hooray for the Senju stamina !!). Maybe all of this marriage thing hadn't been such a bad idea.

And now they were coming back home, to see how their dear (sarcasm, sarcasm his old friend) children had managed during these two months without them.

Apparently, they had managed quite well, because in place of their old compounds, they found a goddamn ninja village.

\- The little shits, Tajima groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has absolutely no sense, but it was really fun to write ^^


End file.
